


Fourteen

by Aeriel



Category: The Chronicles of Chrestomanci - Diana Wynne Jones
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 04:59:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeriel/pseuds/Aeriel
Summary: Adolescence is hard. Adolescence as an enchanter is harder.





	Fourteen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laurea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurea/gifts).



"Fourteen is a difficult age," Millie said sympathetically, patting Cat's cheek. "Why, when I was fourteen… well, all I can say is, things will get better, dear, even if it doesn't seem that way now."

A remark like that might have seemed perfectly nice to Cat when he was younger, but struck him now as terribly condescending and unhelpful, if well-meant. He endured Millie's patting because it was the polite thing to do, but what he said was, "You don't have to talk to me like I'm a child anymore."  
  
"Was I? I'm sorry, dear. But you must be more careful about conjuring fire."  
  
Cat sighed. It wasn't Millie's fault, and although he was frustrated, he couldn't just take his feelings out on her without feeling guilty. "Never mind. I'm going to go outside."  
  
Millie brightened. "What a lovely idea! But I suppose you wouldn't like me to accompany you."  
  
Cat shook his head.  
  
"Have a nice time then, dear."  
  
Once he was safely out of doors, Cat kicked the first pebble he found, then the next. He felt terribly misunderstood and hopelessly wretched and the worst part was he had no one but himself to blame.  
  
All adults ever seemed to say to him these days was to be careful, to use magic as little as possible outside of lessons, to not let his emotions get the better of him. And Cat tried, he really did. But the harder he tried, the more the pressure seemed to grow until he found himself furious, and when Cat got furious, magic just _burst_ out of him. He couldn't control it, and the more he tried, the angrier it made him.  
  
To make matters worse, he seemed to be the only one with this problem. Certainly Julia had fits of temper but, perhaps because she didn't have as much magic bottled up inside her, things never shattered or spontaneously burst into flame when she shouted. Roger had gotten more sulky and secretive in recent years, but Cat could tell his magic was just as well-contained as Julia's.  
  
Marianne got the lectures too, but they actually seemed to be having an effect on her. Cat could scarcely remember the last time he'd seen her lose her temper. Although she embarrassed much more easily these days, in general her personality had yet to take any sort of turn for the worse.  
  
Which was perhaps why Millie seemed to have sent Marianne after him.  
  
"Cat!" Marianne exclaimed, hurrying to his side. Her hands and pinafore were visibly dirty, most likely from helping Jason with the new snapping plants he'd brought over from another Series. "Joe told me you and Roger had a row. Are you feeling any better?"  
  
Cat shrugged, kicking another pebble. "Roger's not speaking to me. You've got dirt all over you."  
  
"Do I? Oh!" Marianne blushed, quickly washing her hands with a spell that she took hold of and used to brush her pinafore until it was spotless. "I must have forgotten. But what happened with you and Roger?"  
  
"I asked him what he and Joe were working on now, and he said it was no good telling me because I'd probably destroy it with my temper if they let me near it." Cat felt worn out just remembering it, and frustrated all over again. "So I got angry. And nearly set his trousers on fire."  
  
Marianne winced. "He shouldn't have said a thing like that."  
  
"And I shouldn't have let him get to me," Cat said bitterly. "I know."  
  
"I wasn't going to say that," Marianne protested. "Really, I don't know what he expected, talking to you like you're no better than an animal."  
  
"Maybe I'm not." Cat kicked another pebble, hard enough that it soared through the air and bounced off a tree. "They're all thinking it, aren't they? That I can't be a good Chrestomanci if I can't keep my own magic from doing things I don't want it to."  
  
Marianne hesitated, which seemed to confirm Cat's worst fears.  
  
Cat started walking faster, his heart pounding. "Maybe I should just be locked away somewhere. Then I won't be able to hurt anybody or anything but myself, and everyone can stop wasting their breath telling me to be careful!"  
  
On his last three words, a flurry of pebbles rose from the ground, hurling themselves at the trees.  
  
"Don't _talk_ like that!"  
  
Startled, Cat turned to find Marianne's eyes blazing, her hair starting to lift off her shoulders.  
  
"Stop acting as though a few accidents are enough to make everyone hate you! You're still a perfectly good enchanter, and you'll be a fine Chrestomanci. Nobody thinks you'll go on setting fire to people's trousers with the wrong thought forever," she said fiercely. "You've just got to keep trying!"  
  
"But I _am_ trying!" Cat burst out, flames shooting out of his clenched fists. "All I ever do is try!"  
  
Marianne doused the flame with an effortless flick of her wrist. "I never said you weren't. All I said was not to give up. Because I'm not."  
  
Slowly, Cat unclenched his fists, fury subsiding. He wasn't sure if the sight of Marianne's magic being nearly as unruly as his own was calming him or if she'd actually enchanted him, but either way he felt very tired all of a sudden.  
  
"It's not your fault," Marianne said, gently reaching out and taking Cat's hand. "It's just that your enchanter's magic has gotten all tangled up with your emotions, I think, like it's trying to defend you from something."  
  
There was something to that, Cat realized. Magic didn't come rushing out when he was happy or excited, only when he felt cornered. And the more he tried to push his unhappy feelings down, the more cornered he felt.  
  
Cat sighed. "How do you manage it?"  
  
"Well… I think part of it is that enchanter's magic still doesn't come as easily for me as it does for you. I mean, that I have to think about it first." Marianne squeezed his hand encouragingly. "So if I feel anything starting to build up I turn it into something harmless and let it go."  
  
"That sounds sensible," Cat said glumly. "But it's hard to think when I get that angry. And I've tried to stop myself getting angry, but…"  
  
Marianne frowned. "You can't make yourself stop feeling things. If that's what you've been doing, no _wonder_ it hasn't made any difference."  
  
"But I don't want to be angry if it means destroying things. It feels awful afterwards." Cat kicked another pebble and was relieved when it didn't levitate.  
  
"So try being angry without destroying anything. Or at least, try letting your magic out in harmless ways, like making a breeze instead of a fire. That's what I do."  
  
Cat thought about it. He wasn't getting angry at all now, really, but if he felt around inside there did seem to be power coiled up in the pit of his stomach. Once he'd found it, it was easy to send it out gently as a summer breeze with good intentions.  
  
"I feel… better," Cat said, surprised. "Thank you."  
  
Marianne smiled. "It's a start, anyway, isn't it?"  
  
He nodded, then grimaced. "I should go and apologize to Roger."  
  
"I can go with you if you want," Marianne offered.  
  
Cat shook his head. "He'd hate that. Besides, I don't want him to think you talked me into apologizing."  
  
"All right." Marianne let go Cat's hand and smoothed back her hair, which had gotten a little frazzled by her magic earlier. "See you later, then."  
  
Cat watched her go, feeling calmer than he had in weeks.  
  
Even if his magic didn't start behaving itself immediately, it helped knowing he wasn't really alone.


End file.
